Sweet Rims and Apologies

Mr. Brown: did you ever get the Drive-By Truckers album
Mr. Pink: Yes I did.
Mr. Pink: Care for a copy?
Mr. Brown: hook a nigga up
Mr. Pink: But Marvin and Vernita won't like DBT.
Mr. Brown: you may have taken that a little too literally
Mr. Pink: Did I just go too far? Should I send them a card apologizing?
Mr. Brown: A card may make things worse. Can you buy a "sorry I made a disparaging joke about your race" card at hallmark?
Mr. Pink: I think you can. I think they even have those new ones that you can record a little message.
Mr. Brown: what would you say?
Mr. Pink: "Hey Marvin, Hey Vernita. Um....Sorry I made a racial joke at your expense. To make up for it....I'd like to have you over for fried chicken, waffles and watermelon."
Mr. Pink: There, I think that'll make it all better.
Mr. Brown: it’s a winner
Mr. Pink: Thanks, I think that'll go over really well.
Mr. Brown: maybe they'll give you some of their crack as a thank you
Mr. Pink: I was hoping for some of their really big wheels that they put on their cars.

Social Club

Mr. Pink: Back. I was in meetings all day.
Mr. Brown: holy shit, he returns
Mr. Pink: Big important stuff.
Mr. Brown: I've heard that before
Mr. Pink: Stuff you wouldn't understand.
Mr. Brown: so it must have been a meeting about being uncool
Mr. Pink: Damn you.
Mr. Pink: It was actually for a meeting for men who have the nickname "Tripod".
Mr. Pink: We meet once a month at the Denny's downtown.
Mr. Brown: were you there taking notes for an eligible member
Mr. Pink: No. I am a founding member.
Mr. Brown: isn’t that like MLK founding the KKK
Mr. Pink: Myself, Tyrone and a fellow named Lamar are the actual founders.
Mr. Pink: Trying to think of another black guy name, but couldn't.
Mr. Brown: how about Steve or John
Mr. Pink: Not black enough.
Mr. Brown: they have regular names too you know...racist
Mr. Pink: Not in my imaginary club they don't

Getting Fired

Mr. Pink: I probably just got fired because of that picture you sent me.
Mr. Brown: it’s the gift that keeps on giving I guess
Mr. Pink: How do you feel now that you got me fired?
Mr. Brown: I would actually feel rather shitty
Mr. Brown: I would send you a t-shirt that says "I'm sorry" with a sad face on it
Mr. Brown: that is how bad I would feel
Mr. Brown: it would be a very high quality t-shirt
Mr. Brown: Egyptian cotton and everything
Mr. Pink: And that would be totally awesome and make up for it.
Mr. Brown: If you get fired, you can live of Mrs. Pink’s salary
Mr. Pink:: Very good point.
Mr. Pink: Wait a second, I don't think she makes any money. Even thought she tells me she has a 24-hour a day job as a mother.
Mr. Brown: does she get a W-2 as a mom?
Mr. Brown: because you tell her, if there is no W-2 it’s not a real job.
Mr. Pink: She must get paid under the table.
Mr. Brown: you know who else doesn’t get a W-2? Hobos.
Mr. Pink: So true.
Mr. Pink: Only difference between Mr. Pink and a hobo is a roof…they are both mean drunks when it comes to the wine and personal hygiene of both leaves something to be desired.
Mr. Brown: amen to that

Pancakes

Mr. Brown: who's in the mother fucking house!?
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown is in the mother fucking house!
Mr. Pink: Why yes you are.
Mr. Pink: And I was in my mother fucking house making pancakes for my kids.
Mr. Brown: well, your mother fucking kids were hungry
Mr. Pink: They were like "Daddy, make me some mother fucking pancakes, mother fucker."
Mr. Brown: those little scamps are so sweet
Mr. Pink: Word

Rains a Comin'

Mr. Pink: How's the weather?
Mr. Brown: cloudy
Mr. Brown: any down there
Mr. Pink: It's raining and windy here.
Mr. Pink: We have received a lot of rain lately.
Mr. Pink: We have a full on storm happening right now.
Mr. Brown: STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS! AND GET THE FAMILY INTO THE SELLER! RUN!
Mr. Pink: We don't have a seller! What should I do?
Mr. Brown: stick your head between your legs
Mr. Brown: and kiss your ass goodbye
Mr. Pink: I tried to stop, drop and roll. But the rain keeps coming.

Pirates and Ninjas

Mr. Pink: Yar. Ye know what day it be matey?
Mr. Brown: talk like a queer day?
Mr. Pink: You'll walk the plank for that. There are no queers on pirate ships. Unless we're at sea longer than a week.
Mr. Pink: Than it's aloud.
Mr. Brown: so, gay pirates have very loud sex?
Mr. Brown: oh, allowed...A L L O W E D. I get it now.
Mr. Pink: Fook.
Mr. Pink: My I screw up and spell things phonetically sometimes. Makes me very angry.
Mr. Pink: And now you made me break character.
Mr. Brown: sorry man, it was harsh to come down on you like that
Mr. Pink: No, no. I deserved it.
Mr. Pink: I don't feel like talking like a pirate anymore today. And that is kind of your fault.
Mr. Brown: The wife is going to hit the store this morning, do you want her to pick up any special stuff for the kids?
Mr. Pink: I think we're good. Thanks.
Mr. Brown: alrighty
Mr. Pink: Don't you mean "aaaarrrrrrggghhh-righty"?
Mr. Brown: no, how would a ninja say it
Mr. Pink: Talk like a pirate, damn you!
Mr. Brown: everyone knows that ninjas are the natural enemy of pirates
Mr. Brown: it would be more exciting if we had a nemesis dynamic going
Mr. Brown: THROWING STAR
Mr. Pink: I suppose.
Mr. Brown: PALM SPIKES
Mr. Pink: CANNON BALL TO YOUR GROIN
Mr. Pink: That will show you....freaking ninjas.

Asian Sun Bear

Mr. Pink: Yo yo. I am sitting pool-side in LA.
Mr. Brown: nice
Mr. Pink: My hotel is in the Asian district, just past the Mexican district.
Mr. Pink: And yesterday I saw the most roided-out Asian ever.
Mr. Pink: He was bloody huge.
Mr. Pink: And short.
Mr. Brown: why are you in the Asian area
Mr. Pink: Because I like to know that I have the biggest package in a 6-block radius.
Mr. Brown: smart thinking
Mr. Pink: I'm wearing a Speedo just to show everyone who is boss.
Mr. Pink: Actually, the hotel is only 3 miles from the Convention Center.
Mr. Pink: When I'm in the elevators, everyone smells of cabbage.
Mr. Brown: you've probably been eating stuff like dog, and tiger dick without even knowing it
Mr. Pink: The tiger dick I knew about.
Mr. Pink: When they snuck me the dog, I was wicked pissed.
Mr. Pink: I told them to take it back to the kitchen and get me the god damn Asian sun bear balls that I had ordered.

Dangers of Aging

Mr. Brown: happy birthday by the way, you old bastard
Mr. Pink: Thanks.
Mr. Pink: And now I know why Yoda wears a robe - When you get old, your balls sag and there's no way they'd fit into pants.
Mr. Brown: I could see how that would be a problem
Mr. Pink: This weekend you will only see me in robes, a good, comfy robe just makes that problem go away.
Mr. Brown: like a muumuu for fat people
Mr. Pink: People will say, "Hey Mr. Pink, why the robe?"
Mr. Brown: and you will say?
Mr. Pink: And I'll either just reply by saying "old balls" or...
Mr. Pink: Just lift my robe up to me knees, and they'll see why and walk away saying "Ohhhhhhhh, old balls."
Mr. Brown: yeah...gross
Mr. Pink: Oh, I know it is.
Mr. Brown: ready for this weekend
Mr. Pink: You bet your ass I am. I have my robes packed already.
Mr. Brown: you get your gift from Mrs. Pink yet
Mr. Brown: I helped pick it out
Mr. Brown: I'll give you a clue
Mr. Brown: its rhymes with "anal beads"
Mr. Brown: wait, I think I did the rhyming thing wrong

Cougar Stalking

Mr. Brown: anything good going on this week
Mr. Pink: Butch and I were just looking at pics of cougars on Google Images and it didn't just bring up the 4-legged variety.
Mr. Pink: Luckily, I had SafeSearch on.
Mr. Brown: nice
Mr. Brown: you can show him what a cougar's old used up honey pot looks like
Mr. Brown: basically it’s a catcher mitt
Mr. Brown: all broken in and leathery from thousands of balls smacking it
Mr. Pink: When we were in the woods, I was telling Butch to always look behind him and also to look up into the trees.
Mr. Pink: I have a sincere fear of cougars.
Mr. Pink: I have dreams about them quite a few times.
Mr. Brown: really?
Mr. Pink: Yep.
Mr. Brown: dont give the poor kid a complex
Mr. Brown: or he'll be like you
Mr. Brown: looking for cougars under his bed every night
Mr. Pink: I made sure I didn't scare him. I just wanted to teach him the ways of the wild.
Mr. Brown: and to be afraid of middle age women who drink cosmos and want to dance with him
Mr. Pink: That's silly. I don't look for them under my bed....
Mr. Pink: I make Mrs. Pink do it.

JC in the House

Mr. Pink: I do a good job of writing proposals and we have put forth a pretty good offer. And the rest is out of my hands.

Mr. Brown: that is all you can do

Mr. Pink: The rest is in JC's hands.

Mr. Pink: That's right.....John Clark. He's the Safety Director.

Mr. Brown: after a three day vacation

Mr. Brown: and his amazing return...to work

Mr. Pink: Everyone always wants to go to lunch with John. Because he can turn water in Molson's or Kokanee.

Mr. Pink: It's Canada so I thought I should use beer in place of wine for that one.

Mr. Brown: I hear he bears a heavy cross...pen that is really nice

Mr. Pink: I also hear they had to tighten up the dress code because he was wearing a lot of robes to work.

Mr. Brown: I also heard he was the literal son of god, so he has that going for him

Mr. Pink: That's not a bad thing.